One day before I gave birth....
6 years ago, I woke up at 6 am as usual, I needed to go pee.
As I was doing my business, I realized I had pinkish discharge so I
went ahead and told my mom.
She told me it was probably time for labor… I was a bit confused
because all this past 8 months I’ve been reading nothing but stories of women,
having awful contractions, waking up to
a wet beds well you name it.
I’m sure you’ve heard of these stories, so I was
pretty much expecting all of these things.
I freaked out a little, I took a shower and all I was
thinking is Jesus, what is going to happen.
Have I mentioned how traumatized I
am with pain yet? I am very dramatic when it comes to pain; I am not going to
lie.
I finished taking a shower, got ready and headed over to the
hospital, I was still questioning if it was really time, I didn’t have any of
those things I previously read, except for the pinkish discharge.
I got admitted to the hospital and everything and it was
such a long process, I wouldn’t dilate fast enough, I didn’t start getting
strong contractions until a few hours later.
When they began I immediately asked for the epidural,(don't believe all those stories about epidurals either) there was no way I was going to tough it out through those contractions.
When they began I immediately asked for the epidural,(don't believe all those stories about epidurals either) there was no way I was going to tough it out through those contractions.
I was in the hospital for 24 hours, before I popped this
child, I got a fever, I was so drugged up because the moment I felt a slight
pain I will push the epidural medicine (giggles)
This child of mine
turned side ways when I was pushing, until 7:45 am this nurse came in and she
started the process. She turned me around and then made me start pushing.
I had 3
people in the room, my friend Erica, my friend Nancy and my mom.
I still cannot
get rid of the fact that they saw my cola!
8:06 am there she was, this
little human I carried for 9 months. She was born right on my birthday my best
21st birthday gift!
She was born in 2010, clearly my camera was wrong lol
By the way I didn’t actually get to drink on my 21st
birthday I was actually high from all the medicine from the epidural, I remember
joking with the nurses about this.
6 years later and I cannot believe that person I created
inside of me is turning 6.
When she arrived I was really afraid of losing my
space, so many fears I had, with a major one of being a single mom.
I will not say we, because I don’t know how she feels, but I
know I became extremely close to this little girl.
From day one she slept in my
arms the whole night and up until now there’s not one night I do not hug her
overnight.
There are nights where I get upset because I seriously sleep in such
small space in my bed, but honestly I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Do you see why I call her Cheese Ball?
I still dress her up, bathe her and even brush her teeth at
times.
I can't seem to let go.... she is growing.
It scares me that one day she will not need me anymore, and I
am afraid.
You may think I am a bad mom for doing this, and maybe I am, but I am
working on this. Motherhood is a work in progress everyday.
Today I realize she’s really turning 6 and I need to slightly let
her do things her own, for her own good as well.
I feel this task will be a bit too hard, I am not only going to be
teaching her how to be more independent, but I will also be teaching myself to
let her do thing on her own.
I know eventually she will be asking to have her
own bed, her own room, and will not even let me get her underwear.
What am I going to do when that happens...such a scary feeling..
Letting go is not as easy as I’ve always thought……
Love Always,
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