4/23/16

LIFESTYLE: Letting Go...

#HolaQueen's 



One day before I gave birth....


6 years ago, I woke up at 6 am as usual, I needed to go pee.




As I was doing my business, I realized I had pinkish discharge so I went ahead and told my mom.

She told me it was probably time for labor… I was a bit confused because all this past 8 months I’ve been reading nothing but stories of women, having awful  contractions, waking up to a wet beds well you name it. 
I’m sure you’ve heard of these stories, so I was pretty much expecting all of these things.
I freaked out a little, I took a shower and all I was thinking is Jesus, what is going to happen. 


Have I mentioned how traumatized I am with pain yet? I am very dramatic when it comes to pain; I am not going to lie.

I finished taking a shower, got ready and headed over to the hospital, I was still questioning if it was really time, I didn’t have any of those things I previously read, except for the pinkish discharge.
I got admitted to the hospital and everything and it was such a long process, I wouldn’t dilate fast enough, I didn’t start getting strong contractions until a few hours later. 
When they began I immediately asked for the epidural,(don't believe all those stories about epidurals either) there was no way I was going to tough it out through those contractions.

I was in the hospital for 24 hours, before I popped this child, I got a fever, I was so drugged up because the moment I felt a slight pain I will push the epidural medicine (giggles)

 This child of mine turned side ways when I was pushing, until 7:45 am this nurse came in and she started the process. She turned me around and then made me start pushing. 

I had 3 people in the room, my friend Erica, my friend Nancy and my mom. 
I still cannot get rid of the fact that they saw my cola

 8:06 am there she was, this little human I carried for 9 months. She was born right on my birthday my best 21st birthday gift!

She was born in 2010, clearly my camera was wrong lol


By the way I didn’t actually get to drink on my 21st birthday I was actually high from all the medicine from the epidural, I remember joking with the nurses about this.


6 years later and I cannot believe that person I created inside of me is turning 6. 

When she arrived I was really afraid of losing my space, so many fears I had, with a major one of being a single mom.

I will not say we, because I don’t know how she feels, but I know I became extremely close to this little girl. 
From day one she slept in my arms the whole night and up until now there’s not one night I do not hug her overnight. 

There are nights where I get upset because I seriously sleep in such small space in my bed, but honestly I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Do you see why I call her Cheese Ball?

I still dress her up, bathe her and even brush her teeth at times.
I can't seem to let go.... she is growing.


It scares me that one day she will not need me anymore, and I am afraid. 
You may think I am a bad mom for doing this, and maybe I am, but I am working on this. Motherhood is a work in progress everyday.

Today I realize she’s really turning 6 and I need to slightly let her do things her own, for her own good as well.

I feel this task will be a bit too hard, I am not only going to be teaching her how to be more independent, but I will also be teaching myself to let her do thing on her own. 

I know eventually she will be asking to have her own bed, her own room, and will not even let me get her underwear.
What am I going to do when that happens...such a scary feeling..

Letting go is not as easy as I’ve always thought…… 


Love Always,